Big Boys Don't Cry... by Eliza Douglas

Crying is a profoundly human and emotional act, one that transcends gender.

There are all sorts of tears. Happy tears, sad tears, angry tears, and many more, that are caused by all sorts of emotions.

However, societal norms and expectations often appear to impose restrictions on young adults when it comes to expressing their emotions.

So, why exactly do young teenage men feel they have to hide their feelings or that it's wrong to cry and express themselves through the release of tears?

Some teenagers grow numb to certain kinds of pain and think some things aren't worth crying over. They suppress their feelings and try to stay brave, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. They would prefer people to get only good positive vibes from them, and not have their tears of frustration, anger, or grief seen as a weakness to be remembered and used against them.

Most young adults aren't keen on attracting sympathy or attention. They would prefer friends to see them as strong individuals, able to manage their emotions without relying on other people's help.

But there are also other reasons why teenage boys and young male adults are reluctant to cry. And here are some possible reasons why...

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1. Societal Expectations: From a young age, boys/men are taught to be strong, stoic, and unemotional. They are often told: 'Big Boys Don't Cry.'

Crying is sometimes associated with weakness, vulnerability, or a lack of masculinity. These societal expectations can make men hesitant to cry, fearing that they will be perceived as less of a man. Thankfully, societal expectations and pressures are changing, and it is now becoming the norm for young men to be allowed to show their vulnerable side.

2. Fear of Judgment: Men fear being judged by their peers, family, or partners. They worry that if they cry, others will view them as less capable, stable, or dependable. This fear of judgment can be paralyzing, leading them to bottle up their emotions. And we all know that bottling up your emotions isn't good for the mind (mentally) or the body (physically).

Your true friends and a loving, caring family should act as a support system and not be judgemental of your need to express your emotions.

3. Vulnerability: Crying can make a person feel incredibly vulnerable. For teenagers, this vulnerability may be particularly uncomfortable because they've been conditioned to be self-reliant and emotionally resilient. The act of crying can feel like a loss of control over their emotions. But after having had a 'good old cry' with lots of sobbing and tissues involved, your vulnerability can often turn into a feeling of strength. Your sense of control returns and you feel able to face the world again.

4. Emotional Suppression: Over time, many teenagers become experts at suppressing their emotions. It's called a cover-up. They learn to stifle their tears and hide or bury their feelings deep inside. This emotional suppression can become a debilitating habit, making it increasingly difficult to express themselves emotionally, even when they want to.

5. Fear of Burdening Others: Teenagers may also worry that their tears will burden others. They don't want to impose their emotional struggles on friends, family, or partners. They may think that by holding back tears, they are sparing their loved ones from discomfort or concern.

6. Inadequate Coping Mechanisms: Some young adults lack healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with their emotions. Instead of crying, they may turn to destructive behaviors such as anger, substance abuse, or isolation. These substitutions and behaviors aren't a solution, and the downside is that they can further reinforce their aversion to crying.

7. Past Trauma: Past experiences, such as childhood trauma or negative reactions to previous emotional displays, can influence a young man's reluctance to cry. These experiences can create emotional scars that make it difficult to open up and be vulnerable.

8. Cultural and Family Background: Cultural and family backgrounds play a significant role in shaping a person's emotional expression. In some cultures or families, emotional restraint is highly valued, making it even harder for boys/teenagers/young adult men to break free from these norms.

9. Fear of Weakness: Many teenagers are afraid that if they cry, they will lose their image of strength. They may think that showing emotion is synonymous with weakness, not realizing that true strength often lies in vulnerability and the ability to face and express one's feelings.

10. Lack of Emotional Literacy: Society often fails to teach or give young men the ability to recognize and articulate their feelings. This lack of emotional education can leave them feeling disconnected from their emotions, making it challenging to express themselves in healthy ways.

In conclusion, the reasons why some teenagers or young adult men don't like to cry are complex and deeply ingrained in societal expectations, personal experiences, and individual fears.

Overcoming these barriers often requires a supportive environment that encourages emotional expression, self-reflection, and a reevaluation of what it truly means to be a 'man'.

At times, the mind and the body can become overloaded with feelings and if you keep emotions locked inside, this has consequences. An outlet is needed, otherwise, day-to-day life might become too much to manage.

And remember, crying is not a sign of weakness. It's a natural expression of your emotional state. You have just as much right to cry if you're happy as you do if you're sad. And for the record, it's good to show some of your emotional vulnerability, it proves you're human.